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Did u ever stop and think to yourself, I’m hungry i want some pudding but i dont want pudding i want something cold but i dont want ice cream i want something that looks like yogurt but doesnt taste like the shit John Stamos is selling all over the tv.

 Didn’t you ever think to yourself… I want something from another planet!! Ok then The Stuff is for you! In this fine flick of fantastic-ness from 1985! Its better than anything less you’ve expected from an old skool Bill Cosby puddin’ commercial

Ok ya well this is the stuff and it was found in a frozen area of only god knows where aliens like to dump their frozen alien eating organisms at, like fucking Alaska or somewhere like that, discovered by a loveable chunky miner by the name of… well lets just call him Bobby Joe.

 

So, Bobby Lee stumbles upon this wonderful bubblin creamy white fancy cold DELICIOUS treat from a crack in the ground and from there it gets marketed, distributed and easily available in all your fine grocery stores and what not to give the world something to enjoy! But what is it really? and why is it so gosh darn addicting?? Tell me moar importantly, why is it so sexy and after you eat it you have to have more IMMEDIATELY?!! and why is it in all fridges instead of anything else?

 

 

 

Enter our trusty ex-FBI agent ‘Mo Rutherford… why is he called ‘Mo? Cos everytime somebody gives him money… he always want ‘Mo!  and by golly he’s gonna get down to the bottom of this mystery, he’s gonna find out what’s in this crap and he’s gonna make a better tomorrow for ice cream if it kills him! well whatever doesnt kill you will certainly make you smile alot nicer and get more ass, if anyone knows about that just ask Hotbeef.. but i digress

 

 

 

here we have a world that will market just about anything and encourage consumers to buy it, eat it, and buy it again. That sounds about right. Did I leave anything out? Oh, wait… yes i forgot about its very awesome health/beauty benefits! just 3 times a day, applying The Stuff on your face and you will get a shiny new complexion ladies!

 

for you men out there that need something better to gargle with, just use The Stuff and you will eliminate all bad breath, halitosis or whatever else that ails you. I never said it was good for your teeth, but where you’re going you wont need any teeth old man!

 

 

 

 

so in the story this kid with creepy blue/grey eyes refuses to eat the stuff, his parents get angry and punish him, take away his atari, his commodore64, and make him listen to gospel music. He runs away and finds himself in an adventure of his life running from stuff-filled zombie mutants and with the help of ‘Mo and Chocolate Chip Charlie they will save the world from this pesky, foamy, creamy, iresistable thing called THE STUFF for once and for all…

 

 

if only we can keep Chocolate Chip Charlie from eating the stuff, everything will be alright

how can i describe the ending of this fantastic flick? how can i tell you that the world gets saved and ‘Mo runs off into the sunset with his newly adopted creepy-eyed son to start a new day? why would i tell you that? You dont wanna hear that! You want me to tell you the world doesnt get saved and no one survives this massive gooey adventure! So that’s exactly what I’m going to tell you, fuck the world, fuck your frozen treats, aliens are coming to get us all and eat us, this is just one theory of how they plan to do it, and I would be down for getting eaten alive by space pudding! I give this 6 frozen pudding pops and 2 snowcones… watch this one! its campy, its fun, its the best time you’ll have watching something like the blob attack people but turn them into zombie creatures or whatever!

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i bet you thought you were getting away from another b-movie review, let me just remind you that you’re in the clutches of PACHUCA! and I’m not letting you get away that easy! let us turn our attention if you will to our next movie, Videodrome!!!! now this classic Cronenberg film is an ’83 beauty. All about this dude who wants more channels! and dont we all want more channels???

Well, i dont… i gave up watching tv for videogaming and underground sex-cult reasons, but thats besides the point.

So this dude, he sends his chic for an audition to be on a new show this new ‘channel’ is airing. Deep down he’s thinking its a porn channel, little does he know its a DIY channel on how to steal wifi from your neighbor using duct tape, gorilla glue, and a wire hangar. Did someone say wire hangars? all i can say is when she never comes back and he finds himself masterbating with his intestines, thats when he realizes something’s not quite right.

if i go more into details I’m just gonna give it all away… and you wouldnt want me to do that… would you? besides, Cronenberg is well known for confusing the fuck out of you and he can do that pretty good without any of my help HAHA

Let’s just say the lesson learned here is tv is bad for your….. wait, tv is bad for your….. i keep wanting to say sex life but i know for a fact that’s not true! oh well, tv… its bad, in the 80′s it was slightly better, there was less fake-reality crap and MTV aired music videos, but there i go reminiscing about the good ‘ole days. Watch Videodrome! DOIT COS BLONDIE’S IN IT! there.. you thought i wasnt gonna say anything about her didnt you? well here’s a slimey spoiler: she gets freeky with wire hangars!

i give this 3 bunny ear antennas and 1 tv guide so you at least look like you know what you’re doing! That’s all for now, I’ll be back with another review soon…